I want to apologize to Mr. Silver for not satisfying his thirst for daily reading material. I decided to take President's Day weekend off and concentrate on celebrating our former Presidents with a bottle of Jack and lots of dozing off on the couch. President's Day is an interesting holiday - I fully understand and acknowledge the impact (both positive and negative *COUGH George Bush!) that all presidents have had throughout history. That being said, it's interesting how some companies choose to give their employees President's Day but not MLK's birthday off, and vice versa. Who decides what should be an "official" holiday versus a "floating" holiday? Some kind of council of Fortune 500 HR execs who meet each year in Bermuda sipping daiquiris, sporting t-shirt tan (burn) lines and hitting on the 16 year old towel girl? I really don't know. I submit that we come up with a new national holiday; something that epitomizes where we are as a country today. This could be good or bad. Here's a few examples from the top of the dome:
- National Overeating Day: This is great because we could just go ahead and replace Thanksgiving for what it really is - a day to eat so much you have a hard time not defecating all over yourself after your fourth portion of turkey and mashed potatoes.
- Large SUV Day: On this day, we will commemorate the first time a soccer mom in a Chevy Suburban backed into a parked car while "lugging" her one child and groceries in the back. And wasting a gallon of gas in the process.
- Screw Over/Stereotype a Minority Day: Ever wanted to really stick it to DaQuon, that wily associate over in marketing? Today's your day! You could pass over a well qualified Hispanic man for a promotion, talk "jive" to your Colored, I mean Negro, I mean Black friend or offer some cup o' noodles to your Asian roommate in exchange for some help on a math problem. Wait, that's everyday!!! (Sorry, couldn't resist)
Now it's your turn - any ideas for a new holiday? Let's hear them!
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4 comments:
let's go with the opposite to your Screw Over/Stereotype a Minority Day
Be Treated Like A Caucasian Day: Ever wanted to know what it feels like to be White, then this is the perfect day. You could be promoted at you job for no reason whatsoever, walk into an expensive store and actually be waited on, drive around in a nice car and not be stopped by the police because of "suspicious activity," and the best one yet, walk around always smiling because the world is a wonderful place. Why you might ask? Because you're White, of course.
Well said, Kobe! Very entertaining.
LMAO at National Overeating Day (and dare I admit it, Screw Over/Stereotype a Minority Day)! Here are my suggested made-up holidays to add to the list (obviously, some less serious than others):
- Boxing Day: Maybe the U.S can adopt a less noble version of Boxing Day (which is an old holiday falling on the day after Christmas; based on the tradition of giving gifts to the less fortunate members of society; and recognized in the U.K., Canada, New Zealand and Australia, as well as many other members of the Commonwealth of Nations). We’ll flip the script and make this the day when you can go to work, beat up your boss / co-workers who always seem to get on your nerves…and most importantly, with impunity! That means that you won’t get fired or laid off, or damage your professional reputation / credentials, or cut your compensation in any way. Instead of on 12/26, say the last day in June, in advance of your mid-year review, so those who review you at work will be compelled to change their ways (after feeling your wrath!) in the last six months of the year...or else…
- National “Sick” Day: Since most folks inappropriately use sick days for vacation as it is, let’s go ahead and make this a national holiday whereby you can virtuously stay at home whether you’re sick or “sick” and not have to call / leave a voicemail for your boss the night before or early morning, put on your best under the weather acting voice and fabricate another lie about illness you just came down with or bug floating around the office…you’re bound to run out of good sick excuses anyway…and it would be ignominious to fib about a death in the family.
- Single Parent’s Day: As a product of a strong-willed mother raising me on her own sans my sperm donor of a father, the recognition of Mother’s Day / Father’s Day, quite frankly just isn’t enough, especially with all the dead-beat, non child support providing dads and no good baby mamas contributing to the more than a quarter of America’s children living in single-parent households. The statistics / sociological study results on how they fare are alarming, including: (i) currently, 57.7 percent of all black children, 31.8 percent of all Hispanic children, and 20.9 percent of all white children are living in single-parent homes; (ii) children growing up in single-parent households are at a significantly increased risk for drug abuse as teenagers; and (iii) children who lived with only one parent had lower grade point averages, lower college aspirations, poor attendance records, and higher drop out rates than students who lived with both parents.
- 1st and 15th Day: On the surface, this day is inspired by Lupe Fiasco’s F&F record label but *real talk* dedicated to idle welfare recipients proactively abusing the system by inappropriately spending their welfare checks every 1st and 15th of the month. Ignoring the inevitable negative economic impact, those workers not on welfare get to pick the first and fifteenth days of the month of their choice off and still get paid! Too many folks (uh-hum, ya’ll know who ya’ll are…my fam included) lie to the government about their inability to have a j-o-b (you know goodness well you don’t have a work-preventing disability) and thereby send the wrong message to not only their children with how they spend it (e.g., say hello to Michael’s mom from The Wire illicitly selling the groceries instead of putting food on the table and ultimately forcing her Corner Boy to participate on the other side of the drug trade; Shamequa buying her 10-year old Tréshaun the latest Jordans when he doesn’t even have school supplies; and as Jay-Z rapped in Can I Live II, “all my chicks gettin' that Wash & Set with their welfare check”) but also to supporters of the conservative anti-welfare political movement, as well as society at large about the extent of welfare reforms in the US.
Well written YP - my only complaint would be that the "family" first people would be up in arms about promoting a single family household. Other than that, I like the "Sick" day idea a lot - F%@* it, why not have a National Hungover Day as well! Half the time people call in "sick" is when they've drank too much the night before!
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